


The True Size for Rational Happiness

by bluestalking



Category: Swordspoint Series - Ellen Kushner
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-13
Updated: 2010-12-13
Packaged: 2017-10-13 15:59:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/139067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluestalking/pseuds/bluestalking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyros.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The True Size for Rational Happiness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [serenissima (killalla)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/killalla/gifts).



> Thank you for requesting something I really wanted to write! I hope Alec is sufficiently Mad and Richard is sufficiently Retired. Happy Yuletide. :)

i.

“Alec,” said Richard, as if (he hoped) they were already talking about it. “Do you think you’ll be happy there?” Alec was still for long enough that Richard could tell it hadn’t worked.

“I think you’ll have plenty of bees to replace the last ones,” said the former Duke of Tremontaine. He leaned out idly over the bow and didn’t look at Richard.

“I’m sure I’ll have very nice bees,” Richard said. “Are you going to be happy?”

“I’m _going_ to avoid all the bother that vulture Lord Ferris left behind him when he conveniently died.”

“Conveniently leaving it for your niece,” agreed Richard. “I know. That’s not what I meant.”

“I know _that_ ,” Alec said, and he still wouldn’t look at him.

 

ii.

The rocking of the boat made Alec slightly seasick, which he tried to hide, valiantly, he thought, by walking across the deck with good posture. Richard didn’t like it either; it put him slightly off his balance, and Richard had cared more for his balance than ever since his vision had gone.

It hadn’t taken Alec long to get bored of pacing with good posture, but he couldn’t read either, and the crew—the ones that understood him—were not generally that interested in talking to him. He was thinking about this and scowling (and pacing) for a while before he noticed Richard watching him, arms crossed and leaning against the rails. He still looked more balanced than Alec had ever been.

“How did you notice me and I not notice you?” Alec said irritably.

“Stupid,” said Richard. “I always notice you.”

 

iii.

They did have a cabin. They snuffed the candle and got into bed undressed, and Richard didn’t know if they were going to sleep or fuck. Alec traced his fingers over Richard’s skin and told him. Richard sighed and shut his eyes. He liked the feeling of shutting his eyes, even if it didn’t make much of a difference.

“You can’t run away from me here,” Alec said. His voice was husky, and almost inaudible.

Richard only snorted quietly when Alec pushed him down. When Alec started to bite, Richard knocked him over and held him down and kissed him until Alec didn’t fight anymore; he only shivered and said Richard’s name.

 

iv.

“Your niece told me about Kyros,” Richard told him.

“What would my niece know about Kyros?” Alec drawled. “We only just got her off the farm.”

“Out of the country, and into a dukedom. Don’t be rude, she’s not here to get angry at you.”

“For the best,” Alec said. “She doesn’t like it when I’m insulting.”

“And you do it anyway. You do work hard to annoy people, Alec.”

“Do I annoy _you_?” Alec purred.

“Only sometimes,” Richard said. “Anyway, it was in a book _you_ own. About the island.”

“Ah!” said Alec. “What did my book say? Or Katherine’s book, I suppose it is now.”

“What you did, more or less. Bees, honey, thyme. Sounded a little fanciful.”

Alec grimaced. “Down-to-earth swordsman St. Vier. This is why I always had to stir up the trouble for you.”

“You find more than enough for both of us,” Richard told him.

“I suppose,” said Alec like a cat at the cream, and then frowned. Richard could feel it in the way Alec’s shoulder sagged and tensed against his. “Maybe not anymore, though.”

Richard was quiet, in case Alec decided to say something else important, but he didn’t; he just shifted and stretched and said, “Well! that is about as much water as I can stand on this side of the boat.” He pushed away from the rails and strode across the deck.

“We’ll reach land soon,” Richard said, following his footsteps.

“Marooned on our island,” Alec said thoughtfully. “Sand all around.”

“That doesn’t sound as nice as the book.”

“Oh, _now_ you want honey and thyme!” Alec said. “But there’s nothing for it, Richard. You’ll have to make do with our just desert.”

 

v.

It wasn’t a desert.

“Do you like it?” Alec said. His voice was light and anxious. He’d never been able to hide his feelings.

“I can see colors, some,” Richard said. “It’s beautiful.”

The air came sweet off the island. Richard didn’t have to see clearly to know—Kyros coud be less than paradise, but the book hadn’t lied.

“And you?” Richard said. “Is this enough?”

“Not yet,” said Alec finally. Richard tightened his grip on the rails instead of taking Alec’s hand.

 

vi.

The people on the island were friendly, but they didn’t share a language. One of the crew translated for their passengers, the first day. After that he returned to his ship, and Richard and Alec had to make do. They made enough headway with the locals to buy food, and what seemed to be the only room in town. There they dumped all of their things; then Alec, peering at Richard and seeing his nerves, said, “We came for the thyme, didn’t we?” and pulled him to his feet and led him out of town like he knew every rock on the island.

vii.

They walked farther every day. Alec was looking for something, but only he, if anyone, knew what. Richard walked with him, and soaked in the sounds of the water and the wind, and the smells of salt and fish and growing things.

On the twelfth day of walking, they stood over the ocean, knee-deep in wild red thyme and the humming of the bees. The village was remote by now; the land here wasn’t even used to pasture.

Alec stopped very still, his hair whipped back by wind that kicked up spray from the rocks.

“Not a ship in sight,” Alec said, so matter-of-fact that Richard stepped closer to him, in case he decided the next thing to do was matter-of-factly step off the cliff.

“I’ll trust you on that,” he murmured at Alec’s shoulder. Alec hissed a laugh and twisted around to seize hold of him.

“I can watch from here forever,” Alec said. His grip was loose, but his nails dug in. “We can build a house, yea big. Right here. If they ever come to find us, I’ll see them first.”

“They’re not going to come here, Alec,” Richard said. Alec was clinging to Richard like he hadn’t since they both were young. Richard held him gently, ignoring the quickness of his heartbeat. “They won’t ever. We escaped all of them. I promise.”

Alec said snidely, “If I believed every pretty lie people told me to their advantage, I wouldn’t have lived long enough to kill Ferris.”

 _If you didn’t have someone pulling your hands out of fires, you wouldn’t have lived long enough to think of it,_ Richard thought. He said, “If you refuse to be happy even here,” he gestured to everything, “what am I going to do with you for the rest of my life?”

“I don’t know,” Alec shot back. “Distract me.”

“If I distract you, will you be happy?”

“I don’t know,” Alec said, digging his nails into Richard’s back. “Try.”

“All right,” Richard said. He tilted his head up. The taste of sea-salt was on Alec’s lips when he kissed him. It made him pull back. Alec reached for him, but he held his face away. He let the taste linger.

Alec said, “Stop. You’re stopping. Why are you stopping?”

“Are you happy to be here with me?” Richard asked. Alec made use of his elbows, and Richard winced, but he didn’t let go.

“When am I not happy with you?” Alec asked, sounding injured and out of breath.

“Don’t play,” Richard said. “You’re angry with me plenty.”

“Well, yes,” Alec said. “But not now. Actually, wait, yes, now. Why have you _stopped?_ ” He moved his knee in a vicious direction.

“ _Ow,_ ” Richard said, and then, doggedly, “What’s wrong, Alec?”

“Richard, don’t.” That was a concession. Richard leapt on it.

“Are you afraid this won’t be enough?” He said it, and caught his breath. It didn’t always pay to be blunt with Alec Campion. Richard knew better than to ask.

Alec stilled. “You will be,” he said finally. “You’ll be fine. The island is fine. But I’m—”

“You’re fine, too,” Richard told him.

“I’m not. I’m insane. I’m a coward,” Alec said. “I hide in books and opulence. And all we’ve got here is herbs.”

“Then find a new obsession,” Richard said. He kissed him. Alec shivered and succumbed.

 

viii.

They were lying naked under the sun, Alec as warm and heavy as a sleeping kitten. A kitten, Richard amended, with a lot of sharp edges.

 _A villager could still find us,_ Richard thought. _Even out here._ That would probably not be the best introduction to the locals.

He laughed, and Alec picked his head up and stretched.

“What?” he said. “What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing,” Richard said, smiling at the sky. “Nothing. You. Me. Everything.”

Alec moved his face very close to Richard’s.

“Do you see me?” he asked.

“A little,” Richard said. “I recognize your nose.”

“Indeed,” Alec drawled.

Richard said, “We should build that house you want.”

“I brought money,” said Alec. “We can build it.”

“Mm.”

“You can put your bees right over there.”

“Mm.”

“Nothing satisfies me, Richard. You should know that. You shouldn’t let it bother you.”

“Mm.”

“ _Richard_ ,” Alec said, prodding him in the ribs. “You’re getting more docile in your old age. Aren’t you even going to argue anymore?”

“Will it help?”

“No. Yes. Maybe,” Alec said.

“I won’t bother until it helps,” said Richard. His eyes were shut. He could still feel the pink glow of sunlight through his eyelids.

“How long are you willing to spend on pipe dreams?” Alec asked. Prickly and offhand, like he was counting the days in advance of an answer.

“Forever,” Richard said simply, sun-dazed and content. “Obviously. You told me, didn’t you? We have lots and lots of time.”

For a moment Alec was still and silent, even while Richard basked and waited and the water beat the shore. Then Alec’s body settled back against his, and the sun was warm, and he didn’t pull away.


End file.
